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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337378">Amara's Diary</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetPeril/pseuds/SunsetPeril'>SunsetPeril</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The War Over Mobius - Other [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sonic Forces - Fandom, Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Concubine, Diary/Journal, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Miscarriage, Past Drug Use, Pre-Sonic Forces, Sad Ending, Sonic Forces</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:01:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,401</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetPeril/pseuds/SunsetPeril</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The diary of Amara Primrose, world-class assassin from Bloodpool Canyon and the lover of Infinite.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Infinite (Sonic the Hedgehog)/Amara Primrose the Jackal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The War Over Mobius - Other [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Amara's Diary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Any dialogue represented in parenthesis are not Author's Notes but rather dialogue and prose from this story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clawzie disappeared recently. So did Reznor. Once again, my caretakers have left. This isn't the first time and I have little reason to believe that it will be the last.</p><p>Mother. Her midwife. The scattered gangs that I stumbled across as a young pup. Now Clawzie and Reznor.</p><p>It seems that everyone in my life is destined to leave me. It's just a matter of time before I am alone again.</p><p>Maybe this is my purpose as a lust-born child of wanderers, to be alone forever.</p><p>Even if I am doomed to eternal loneliness, I want to cling to the ones I still have now, to feel love for as long as I can...</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**September 3rd**</em>
</p><p>He caught me today. I still feel the fear in me as I write this. I shuttered cold inside as I heard his words, with demanding concern.</p><p>He asked me what I was doing.</p><p>That was it. The moment I had to tell him everything.</p><p>That would be the moment that made him abandon me, just like all the other gang leaders that have found this out.</p><p>I stuck myself with the needle in my paw, as if that would cover my tracks. The prick from the needle as well as my shame caused my ears to press down, tears welling in my eyes as I pushed the contents of the needle into my small body. I pulled the needle out of my shoulder, but I could not set it down.</p><p>His steps grew closer; I trembled. I heard his voice again, his paw pulling the needle from mine. Again, he asked me what I was doing. I felt his eyes burning into me as I stood shaking.</p><p>I couldn't answer him, I broke as tears rolled down my face, accompanied by soft sobs; ashamed.</p><p>I felt him look down, watching him notice all the drugs I had stashed below.</p><p>His eyes grew wide and he seemed to stumble.</p><p>He asked me if I was a drug addict, I had to answer truly, both to him and myself...</p><p>Yes.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**October 1st**</em>
</p><p>I feel so sick. These withdrawals are more than I think I can bear. My heart is racing, I can't keep anything down and I'm so dizzy. My vision turns to black often, but at intervals so random that it terrifies me.</p><p>The only thing constant is him... Infinite.</p><p>Ever since he caught me red-handed, he hasn't left my side. Even when I look like I'm on the verge of death and that there's nothing he can do to save me, he stays beside me.</p><p>I think he's the reason that I'm not dead yet. It feels like he's taken some of my withdrawal symptoms onto his own shoulders so that it's easier on me. I know that's not possible, but it feels so true. He whispers in my ear, telling me what a strong girl I am, pressing a cloth to my mouth so that I can drink in small amounts. He told me he's been doing it that way so my body won't reject the fluids.</p><p>I shudder, wondering how much longer my body can take this. All my life, I had been told that the drug was my lifeline, since I had been addicted pretty much since my mother got pregnant with me.</p><p>I cried out to Infinite, begging him to stop trying to make me sober. He refused. I cried out again, telling him that I would die. I've told him many times since he found out. CZ3V is my lifeline. Every time he would tell me that, if I was going to die, he'd rather me die trying to be free than me dying trapped.</p><p>I guess all I can do is lay here and see how much longer I last.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**February 9th**</em>
</p><p>I can't believe it. I'm starting to get better. I'm still shaky, but my appetite is starting to return and my head no longer hurts.</p><p>His stubbornness... saved me. He told me he knew I could do it.</p><p>It's been several months since we first started this addiction recovery program, Infinite's kept me in his room the whole time because he had no idea how to get all the drugs cleaned out of mine.</p><p>I'm just gonna have to trust that Infinite kept his head the whole time.</p><p>He sat on the bed, rubbing my paw. He asked me how I was feeling.</p><p>I told him that I couldn't believe that I was free. I meant it too. Thirteen years... that drug wasn't my lifeline... my problem was no one cared enough to try and free me.</p><p>His paw rested on my face, he smiled softly. He asked me what I wanted to do.</p><p>I told him honestly, I wanted to be with him. Watching duels near the main port sounded interesting, the ones that he took me to tonight certainly were.</p><p>He's worn himself out. He's already fallen asleep in his bed. Now that I'm more stable, he's put me on the mat on the floor to sleep. He's adorable when he sleeps, his arm is loosely hung over his muzzle, with his ear flopped over that. Since I am approaching my first heat but he has yet to show any signs of his own development, I often see him as younger than me and still a child, even though he is a few months older than me.</p><p>However tonight... his adult scent is starting to come in... and it's got an alluring tang to it.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**March 13th**</em>
</p><p>Today was one of, if not the most, terrifying things of my life. I went into heat for the first time. I felt like it happened all of a sudden, but it was likely about to happen even before my encounter with Infinite this morning. Spring is beginning after all.</p><p>I had woken up feeling a little sweaty. I had assumed that it was just because of a dream or that I had curled up too tight in my blanket. However, as soon as I walked outside, I was uncontrollably drawn to Infinite's new scent. I don't exactly know what makes it so appealing to me but I know that none of the others have a scent like his.</p><p>We both said hello to each other, then he offered me to sit by him on the couch. I think he's drawn to my scent just like I'm drawn to his, he tries to have me near a lot. I don't know how it happened, but we ended up rubbing our muzzles together passionately.</p><p>Our new medic, a brown and black jackal named Cor that Infinite had brought home with him shortly after my addiction program ended, pointed out our nuzzling then promptly told us to stop before it escalated. However, by then Infinite had brushed his paw against the side of my muzzle, making his scent seem that much stronger.</p><p>Whatever was making me become enamored with him... I was falling for it hard, I still am now, but fear has given me a blinder to his scent.</p><p>Suddenly, I felt my instincts inflame, I felt hot and my body began to ache. My breathing increased as I tried to cool myself down.</p><p>He spoke my name, asking if I was alright. I shook my head. I had no idea what was going on, but I just wanted to curl up into a safe place and hide. He pulled me into his arms gently and whispered softly, before telling me that my scent had gotten stronger.</p><p>Cor told him to hide me, saying that I was in heat. Today was the day of the Vixens' Ceremony, and the creatures who ran it were coming to every territory to take any unclaimed female that had gone through her first heat. If they found me, I'd be taken away to become a vixen, a breeding female.</p><p>All Infinite's attempts to hide me were in vain, the officials found me within minutes of entering the territory.</p><p>I cried the entire afternoon, until another new vixen approached my stall. Her name was Lilliya, she was a few years older than me. She helped me calm down a little, telling me that this was the duty of us females; to be paired with the strongest of males to produce the best pups for the next generation. However, even with her words, I was still frightened.</p><p>What happened this afternoon... I can't even say, I'm not even sure I know what happened... except for a strong male grabbing me. The only thing I remember about it was that I was put in a revealing outfit that looked like something a belly dancer would wear. I curled up in the corner of my stall, staring at myself. Every so often, another paw, usually male, would grab me, latching something else onto me. Every time they'd let go, I would scamper back to safety, or what felt like the safest place I could find.</p><p>As evening arrived, bringing gangs from all over the Canyon, my thoughts raced. If I had to be bred, I only wanted to carry the pups of one male, but there was no way that Infinite would win me as his vixen. He was small compared to the other, full-grown masters, he'd get mauled if he tried.</p><p>I was so afraid. I had no idea what was going to happen to me or who was going to become my master. The whole day was completely out of my control... and it was frightening.</p><p>With a spark of distracting vanity, I wondered what I'd look like pregnant. Would a pup make my stomach swell so large that it became disproportionate to the rest of my body? Would I stay small, even when it was time for the baby to come? Or would I become round with child, but still seem to fit the parameters of my body? I suppose it really depends on both the size of the pup's father and my own size... although even now I wonder.</p><p>As the thought faded away by a voice, I noticed Lilliya was gone. She had already been given off to a master; now it was my turn. As I stepped out onto the presenting platform, I saw all of the leaders staring at me.</p><p>Something undesirable was in all their eyes.</p><p>I looked away from every gaze until my eyes found Infinite's. His gaze was just as fearful as mine, our eyes locked together as he stood, showing his intent to try and claim me.</p><p>The official next to me pulled my paw out, stopped for a moment to stare at the vast number of scars etched into its young surface, then shrugged and wrapped a piece of fabric around it, declaring my name to be Amara Primrose. Through fearful tears forming in my eyes, I saw what seemed to be every single leader in Bloodpool step forward to challenge Infinite in his goal.</p><p>I do not remember what happened next, once a horn was blown and the males began to fight, I closed my eyes and froze in a standing cower. After what felt like eternity, I felt someone grip my paw and ink their symbol onto it. I cringed even deeper when the horn to end the fight sounded.</p><p>I felt an extreme pain where my shoulder meets my neck, hearing a demand to open my eyes and greet my master. I opened my eyes and like everyone else at the ceremony; gasped.</p><p>Infinite stood there; my master, my mate. He gripped my paws and told me that we both knew what he had to do next, but that it didn't matter to him because I was safe. He then pressed his lips firmly against mine, cutting off my air, but I didn't care. In fact, I even kissed him back with passion rather than duty.</p><p>I got the gentlest master on the planet and I was safe in his arms.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**March 22nd**</em>
</p><p>I'm fully surprised. Even with me being in heat for around a week after he claimed me, he never attempted to mate. Even on the first night, when we slept together for the first time, even though I knew his passion was burning, he never once made any sort of move that showed an attempt to breed me.</p><p>His restraint was stunning, I fully don't mind that he ended up kissing me quite a bit over the week. Kisses are temporary, pups are permanent.</p><p>After the vixen 'training' period (as the officials called it) ended, Infinite spent an entire day fully cleaning out my den and decorating it for me, then let me return to it after over half a year. When he showed it to me, I started crying. It looked amazing and no longer smelled of drugs. I gave him a soft peck on his cheek before sprawling out on my bed. He's so sweet to me, he didn't have to do this at all.</p><p>While I was sprawled out on my bed, I heard the squad approach, I lifted my head to Infinite and he held a rose out. My face became hot and flushed. Through my peripheral vision, I saw the squad's reaction was similar to mine. He slipped the rose into my hair and then touched his lips to mine softly, pulling back about as soon as our lips touched.</p><p>My sweet raksai... I'm terrified that someday someone will take advantage of your gentle heart... or someone will hurt you so badly that your gentleness will be compromised.</p><p>If that happens, hopefully, we will be much older, preferably old enough that we will have a child who knows how lucky they are to have you as a father... one that has inherited your kind ways.</p><p>I'm exhausted from all of the emotional strain from the past week, I think I'll turn in to get some rest. Infinite says that he's taking me someplace tonight and I don't want to be exhausted.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**January 7th**</em>
</p><p>As a little girl, I couldn't even imagine what has occurred so far since Infinite took me as his. We've been dating for almost three years now and his patience with me only seems to grow. I just turned sixteen, the desert winter is fierce but not frozen. However, there is no prey or plants to be found. We call it the yearly famine because for many months there is virtually nothing to eat.</p><p>This year is especially rough. Even with us growing stronger, we have hardly anything to eat. I have already lost a noticeable amount of weight, enough to where my ribs are easily seen. I'm often cold and it hurts to think about my constant state of being hungry. Infinite works so hard to try and bring anything that he can home. I'm nervous to be around him because I am also about to go into heat. I don't want my instincts to take over... not until the spring herds return and we have a good supply of food. If I were to get pregnant now, the pregnancy would be doomed from the start. I can't handle that emotional pain, so I've been avoiding Infinite. Especially since our instincts flared up so strongly right before the famine.</p><p>We lost control of our instincts about three weeks ago. Even though I'm not feeling any different, I'm still cautious just in case his pup turns up inside me. This is probably the only time that I'm fiercely hoping that I'm not going to be a mother... and hoping that I'll go into heat.</p><p>I've been curled up in my bed for a few days, hungry and terrified. I want to be with Infinite so badly, but we can barely keep five mouths fed, much less six.</p><p>I heard the curtains that served as a door pull to the side and heard his voice. I couldn't resist, I bounded into his arms and we kissed. I flopped into his chest and felt him place his paw on my shriveling waistline. He was scared, I could sense it in his breath. I waited for him to just whisper into my ear that I was pregnant. However, he just gently asked how I was doing. I told him that I wanted to cry. I was so nervous and hungry, I just wished that it was late spring instead of January, that way we would have food no matter what happened.</p><p>I felt Infinite press against my stomach for a growing baby. I'd be lying to myself if I said that I didn't enjoy it. He said that it wasn't swelling. I felt a wave of relief, but for some reason, I also felt upset. Maybe it was the way that he said it, but as soon as the words reached me, I touched my stomach with concern. He smiled and told me that I was going to be okay. I curled up next to him and breathed, both of us hearing my stomach ache in hunger. He kissed my muzzle and set me down on the bed, presenting some food that he'd brought, some grains and plant matter. As he gave the plants to me, I felt a now-familiar fire begin to burn inside me. I told him that I felt I was about to go into heat, he gave me a side-hug and left.</p><p>I certainly hope the famine ends with the coming of spring. Having to avoid all the members of the squad is sure getting lonely.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**July 10th**</em>
</p><p>The herds came back small after the rough winter famine, so there wasn't too much food to go around. Bloodpool's inhabitants, including us, were so weakened by hunger that very little prey was actually killed before the herds moved on. We weren't as hungry as we were during winter, but there was little enough that Infinite and I decided that it would be a bad idea to breed that summer. As the winter came back again, we were once again starving, but Infinite refused to leave me, watching me begin to fade again.</p><p>As the winter faded into a much more prosperous spring, Infinite began to grow once more. However, I did not, and a difference between our heights quickly formed. With now an abundance of food in supply for the squad, we once again began to talk about having pups. I want to have pups with Infinite the more we discuss it, but I am also afraid of making my mother's mistake. Yesterday, I finally decided to tell Infinite that I was ready to try having pups with him while food and weather were still favorable.</p><p>Once it got late, we headed to Infinite's den. However, when I was undressing, we locked lips in a passionate kiss, reminding me of my parents and causing me to suddenly freak out. He asked me if he had hurt me, I shook my head and just told him that I couldn't make my mother's mistake. He nodded, wrapping a blanket around my chest before kissing me and telling me that I was okay. He then handed me my shirt, which was the only thing that I had removed before panicking, sat and breathed for a while to calm his instincts and took me to my den. I spent the time between when he took me back and when I fell asleep wondering if he was upset with me.</p><p>This morning, Infinite brought breakfast to my room. I apologized for last night and asked if he was upset. He responded with these words: "No... I love you. You don't need to apologize..." I hugged him and cried, he shushed me and rubbed my back.</p><p>Even with his growing height, my muzzle still fits nicely into the crook of his shoulder.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**April 5th**</em>
</p><p>As we grow out of our teens, I suddenly feel like a Defied in a society of Bloodpoolieans. I am of course, but I haven't exactly felt it until now. Infinite and the rest of the Squad are now much taller than me. Infinite's tall enough that he has to look down a little to meet my gaze.</p><p>It's a little humiliating.</p><p>Unlike my body, my desires have been growing over the last few years and so has my tolerance for things like alcohol.</p><p>Okay, I drink. Is that really such a big deal?</p><p>We're climbing up the ranks of Bloodpooliean society and that's great! However, the difference in height between me and the rest of the squad is getting annoying because, every time we go somewhere, someone always points out the height difference between me and my master. Not only that but, if we're standing up, I can't set my muzzle on Infinite's shoulder unless I'm on my toes.</p><p>I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.</p><p>Everyone also apparently thinks I'm infertile. I hate that too. I want to go up to all of them, punch them in the face and say "Just because I'm not pregnant yet does not mean I'm infertile!"</p><p>I really hate having that thrown around for one reason... okay, one reason aside from my wounded pride.</p><p>Because of the yearly famine (and the many other things that G.U.N. does to keep us from prospering,) Bloodpool needs to focus all of its resources on people who can keep bloodlines running... meaning infertile people are executed so the resources keeping them alive can be used to feed expecting vixens and their babies. If I'm found to be infertile, I'll be killed. Infinite wouldn't be able to save me, no matter how high he's ranked in society.</p><p>If it wasn't for my fear of turning out like my mother, I would have a toddler-aged child, assuming that I had conceived the night that I had a panic attack.</p><p>I don't think that Infinite would do what my father did... I mean I don't beat people up just because I'm upset... right?</p><p>Anyways, our rank usually offsets the jeers, but I still don't really enjoy going out...</p><p>I've started feeling very awkward around Infinite, I think it's my instincts' way of telling me that it's time to breed. Spring is beginning again and I'm a full-grown jackal, twenty-one years old. Every time I see Infinite or smell him, I feel like I'm going into heat. Pretty much every single time he's around.</p><p>Ever since Infinite's adult scent came in, my instincts have been telling me that he'd genetically be a great father for my not-yet-existing pups. I've just been so afraid of becoming my mother that I've been suppressing my instincts as well as his.</p><p>I can't just let go of that fear though... maybe I'll just go get a drink and see what I can think of doing. Maybe it'll help me loosen up to tell Infinite how I really feel instead of what I can express through this fear.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**April 6th**</em>
</p><p>Okay, the "drink alcohol until I come up with a plan" idea? Great idea. Not only did I... test the boundaries of my alcohol tolerance, which I inherited from Taruna (i.e. yours truly got drunk... read the labels Primrose, spirits are not the same as wine) but I was successfully able to communicate with Infinite. However, the whole shebang ended up getting Cor involved, so he'll be bugging me in a few weeks. To be honest, I'd really rather Infinite feel my stomach again for a pregnancy, but Cor says that it'll be safer for the pup if he does it.</p><p>My instincts seem satisfied, so do Infinite's. Hopefully, I'll be bringing a new generation into Bloodpool in nine months. I'm wondering again how I'll look with a baby growing inside me. I'm betting I'll get a decent-sized baby bump, since Bloodpoolieans (and therefore, Infinite) are larger than Defieds. Since the baby will be half Bloodpooliean, it will probably take quite a few traits from Infinite.</p><p>Hey, at least his or her chances at genetically being short are a lot slimmer.</p><p>I know I'm already getting attached even though I don't even know if he got me pregnant last night... but there's just so much information to process even before all the stuff about the pup itself!</p><p>Infinite's already getting a little protective. He stayed in bed until I woke up this morning and has asked me how I'm feeling six times since then... and I told him that I felt fine... six times.</p><p>He's being so attentive to me, it's getting a little hard to find time to write here. At least he's really helping me conquer my fear. Whenever I look down at my stomach, I smile and think of what it'll be like to have a family with Infinite. Would the pup have his heterochromia? Would he or she inherit my strong but slim features? Whatever the pup turns out inheriting, my little one will be perfect.</p><p>I can hear Infinite's steps grow closer to the door. He's coming back to check on me. I'll have to update this soon.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**May 1st**</em>
</p><p>Although I felt some pains in my stomach a little while after my last entry, Cor says that there's no pup; guessing that I never fully conceived. Both Infinite and I a little crestfallen. Infy says that we can try again whenever I'm ready, but I keep thinking that I'll start showing signs any day now. It's been over a month though. If I was going to feel anything, Cor says that it would have happened already.</p><p>The rest of the squad isn't really helping either. They won't stop bothering me about this.</p><p>I don't understand. I was in the middle of my heat, I should be expecting a pup!</p><p>I don't go into heat for a few more weeks, so I guess I'll just have to wait to try again.</p><p>I hope we don't have to do this routinely, it's a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>*November 11th*</em>
</p><p>I met my father today, for the very first time. I'm still in shock about the whole thing. I had been in the bar, talking with Lilliya about my lack of pups. I told her that we have been trying for almost a year to have a pup and that I'm terrified that I'm infertile. She hugged me, but I still don't feel like she understood. She gave birth to a pup a few years back, she doesn't have to worry about being deemed useless and executed. She told me that my being there had reminded her of something. A couple of chairs down, she had heard somebody talking about a Defied. Instantly, I snuck over and tuned in without anyone detecting me. They were talking about whether the Slums actually existed or whether they were just a story made up so that little Bloodpoolieans would learn to be satisfied with what they had.</p><p>Umm, excuse me? Did you just call me an old vixen's tale? <em>Me</em>, obviously living, existing, <em>real</em> me!</p><p>I was suppressing to reveal that I was eavesdropping on them by bashing their heads in when someone offered a rebuttal, saying that he had met the ex-lover of a Defied named Taruna in a shanty gambling facility.</p><p>Taruna is Mother's name.</p><p>While the other's in the conversation just responded with a pressing 'Oh, really,' I just sat and shook. Lilliya tapped my shoulder and called my middle name, Primrose, asking if I was alright.</p><p>I just told her that I needed to go.</p><p>As I left the bar, I pulled the black dress cloak that I was wearing over my head. If Mother's lover was around here somewhere... I could learn who my father really was.</p><p>I slipped in and out of every business and facility I could find, trying to get any information on his whereabouts.</p><p>Some didn't even know what I was talking about, and some teased me for looking for someone with a supposed tie to the Defied... saying they didn't exist.</p><p>I took great pleasure in punching them.</p><p>As I went from establishment to establishment, I learned both more and less.</p><p>'Haven't seen 'em.'</p><p>'No one's made it out of the Slums.' (I punched her too.)</p><p>'Never heard of him.'</p><p>'Saw 'em a while ago. Not sure where he went.'</p><p>'Could you tell me what he looked like?' (No, that's why I'm asking you!)</p><p>'What's it worth to ya, hottie?' (I have a master already!)</p><p>Eventually, I was told that he had headed out towards the Twisted Gulch (doesn't Bloodpool have just the <em>loveliest</em> names?) Since this was the best lead I had gotten all day, I instantly acted upon it. Not like I would be missing anything important anyways. As I approached the almost sculpted-looking location in the Canyon, I smelled a male scent. That had to be Mother's lover... especially because it smelled like a Bloodpooliean jackal. I picked up my pace, unable to control my speed as his scent became stronger.</p><p>Time to put my training to personal use.</p><p>I jumped up and scaled a small portion of the cliffs surrounding the Gulch to keep myself hidden should he turn his head in that direction. (Infinite did get onto me for doing so however... stupid sixth sense.)</p><p>After a little climbing, I finally spotted him.</p><p>Ashy fur, white hair, stripes... yep, he was definitely a Bloodpooliean jackal. If this guy wasn't Mother's lover, I don't know who could be.</p><p>I yelled out 'Hey!' then dropped to the ground, mere paces from him.</p><p>The look on his face was well deserved. He wasn't going to be able to run from his past anymore. I darted towards him, but he sped off too. Soon I was chasing him all across the gulch. We would have been doing that forever if I couldn't get him to stop... I'm in a canyon for crying out loud!! Why'd it take me so long to corner him?!</p><p>Once I chased him to the stone wall, he tried to scale it. I instantly smacked him back down, telling him 'enough.' He seemed surprised to hear a vixen's voice.</p><p>No surprise there.</p><p>When he asked me what I wanted, I pulled off my hood and told him that I wanted him. He froze in complete terror and began to shudder, I told him I was there to settle old business. He asked what he had with me. It's almost amusing that he never knew... or even assumed. I had heard his name spoken by my original lead in the bar, but was waiting for just the right moment. That moment came seconds later, where I uttered his name then spoke a word that I had never really used in reference to myself... <em>daughter</em>.</p><p>He actually didn't know. His face twisted with confusion before tightening, saying that he'd never fathered a pup. I laughed, then reminded him of his affair with Mother.</p><p>He remembered <em>instantly</em>.</p><p>Shaking, he asked in a horrified, yet confirming tone 'Taruna... had a pup?'</p><p>...It never... even<em> crossed his mind</em>?</p><p>If I wasn't so anxious for answers, I probably would have felt this way instantly. Neither of them wanted me at all... his question proved it.</p><p>I was truly just born from lust. I had to toughen my speech to hide these crippling emotions inside. After threatening him with both me and my mother, I told him never to let me see him again. If I never see him again, maybe I could keep these feelings at bay... I look like him... like I look like Mother. His stripes are mine and so are his eyes in the same way my figure and height match my mother's... but he... Lusk... never even considered my existence... and Taruna only wanted me to die...</p><p>Is Infinite the only person in this world who loves me?</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>*June 13th*</em>
</p><p>It's been over two years since me and Infinite started trying to have a baby. Every time it's the exact same routine: go into heat, mate with Infinite, wait for a week or so, feel some pain in my stomach for a day or two, wait for a few more weeks for my stomach to grow or for signs to show, never show any signs of pregnancy... I'm so upset.</p><p>This feels like a forced job rather than a display of love.</p><p>Out of all the Defied jackals, why me? The one Defied who actually wants to have a pup because she loves her significant other?</p><p>Anyways, Infinite does the best he can to make me feel better. I'm thankful that this rough life of ours hasn't stolen his kind heart.</p><p>Oh wait, that was me. (If this book was a living being, it would be wondering what the stupid grin on my face is for.)</p><p>Earlier, he took me out for a drink. I think it was his way of trying to tell me he still loves me even after the two years of almost routine mating. It would have been just fine if he didn't, or if he had just told me so, but I really appreciated it. Besides, he's never really been one to just pull me aside and put everything into words instead of translating it all into a gesture... I think it's a guy thing.</p><p>My instincts are starting to fire again, the result of these past two years, reminding me that it's almost time to go into heat again.</p><p>I almost just want to tell my instincts to shut up and settle down. It's been two years... why would all of a sudden I conceive?</p><p>However, although I also see this wear on Infinite, I can tell that he's not done trying. We're still young... there might be a chance...</p><p>I'll leave my instincts to their primal desires... and his... because I love him.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**July 8th **</em>
</p><p>...I'm expecting... After all this time...</p><p>I definitely can feel the difference now, the little pup growing inside me has already made itself known. Infinite's face was precious when I told him, he pulled me into a hug and I found myself crying. We both love this little one so much already.</p><p>Since we knew exactly when I must have gotten pregnant, Cor already knows about when the baby should be born, mid-to-late March. That seems so far away, but I have no doubt that the time will fly by.</p><p>My stomach doesn't like my pup, it's been twisting and churning for several days now... I'm having a hard time being able to eat or keeping it down. I haven't had a full-on nausea episode yet, but I'm sure that it won't be too long before that happens. I've started feeling some pressure inside me but it's not too bad yet, just a little uncomfortable. Infinite's been a sweetheart since I found out, he's let me move in with him and will stay in the den until I wake up. His actions seem almost like a dream, he's very caring and gentle towards me and our little one, a large contrast from his new, rougher general behavior.</p><p>The others seem happy for us. They'll all be uncles soon. Cor gave me an examination earlier after he felt the baby. His or her heart's already beating and Cor said that it's grown a ton already.</p><p>I wonder how long it will be till I start showing?</p><p>...I'm going to be a mother, and Infinite a father...</p><p>I believe that this pup is the first love-born child in Bloodpool, even if it's still illegitimate. It's already the second Defied hybrid.</p><p>Lusk, my dad, is very excited. After what happened when my mother was pregnant with me, Lusk has been egging Infinite on to make sure I'm well taken care of. If Infinite's getting annoyed, he's done a very good job with hiding it... for the most part. He asked me if Dad was going to do this until our baby is born, I just had to laugh.</p><p>I'm kinda glad that Lusk decided to show back up, it's nice to know that he cares about me. A while after I told him never to let me see him, he snuck into our territory to try and mend our relationship. A few panic attacks and a gang fight (among other things) later, he was living with us in his own cave. He's so much better to be around than Mother.</p><p>This little one's life is going to be nothing like mine, or Infinite's.</p><p>One good thing has come out of all this waiting, me and Infinite have already picked a name! Since this baby will be the beginning of many things, we felt that it needed a name as such.</p><p>Regardless of whether the pup is a boy or a girl, we're going to name it...</p><p>Genesis.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>*July 30th*</em>
</p><p>She's gone.</p><p>My baby girl is <em>gone</em>.</p><p>My paws are shaking so badly, I doubt that I can make this too long.</p><p>Cold shoots through my body every time I try to think about it, about her. My paws fall limp and numb, making me only able to cry, as I hear it spoken...</p><p>
  <em>...miscarriage.</em>
</p><p>I held her today, for the first and only time. She was tiny, cold and lifeless. Infinite got to hold her too, but his paws trembled so badly that I took her back. She was smaller than my palm and hardly looked like a jackal, she was so young...</p><p>The baby bump that was developing along with my daughter this morning will also be gone... in just a few days.</p><p>Cor says that I need a little space, but after spending this entire day grieving, I just want Infinite... I want to curl up in his arms and feel his warm breath on my fur. He was my baby's father... and I want to grieve with him.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**January 18th**</em>
</p><p>It's been about five months since we lost Genesis. I should be around seven months pregnant with her, feeling her move around, kick and grow stronger as we prepare for her birth.</p><p>Infinite can tell when I'm thinking about her, he'll grab my paws and give me an apologetic smile. He misses her too, I can tell.</p><p>My hormones have been acting odd recently, a lot like they did when Genesis passed away. My appetite spiked about a week ago and I've been having to eat an insane amount of food to feel fed.</p><p>Infinite told Cor about it; he's worried about me.</p><p>Cor's not exactly sure what's happened. He says that it seems like my body is preparing to nurse, but he doesn't know what triggered it.</p><p>When I heard it, I asked him if it was at all possible that Genesis had an unknown sibling that's still inside me. Cor spoke against it, saying that he had only heard Genesis' heartbeat, but still examined me. I hoped that there might be a tiny pup, but Cor said that there was no heartbeat.</p><p>Infinite whispered 'I'm sorry...' into my ear, causing me to curl up next to him and settle my muzzle into the crook of her neck. I don't think I could have made it this far without him. My lips started to quiver and I felt his paw on my face. I didn't want to cry in front of Infinite and Cor, but as soon as I felt his fingers brush my quivering lip, I began to sob.</p><p>He began to whisper soothing words to me, rubbing my shoulder where my olive green shirt's seam laid. He'd given me the outfit not long after my baby bump from Genesis disappeared, an olive green tank top and maroon pants.</p><p>I think I look quite tough in them.</p><p>We're still not sure what exactly is going on, or what triggered it... all I know is my chest feels sore and a little heavy. I might wanna tell Infinite about it though, that way he doesn't get whiny when I complain later.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**January 21st**</em>
</p><p>Well, for no apparent reason whatsoever, I'm making milk for a pup...</p><p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p><p>I literally have <strong>no</strong> pup, no other vixens to give my milk to and no freaking purpose! And on top of it all, my "master" is being so touchy with me! Like, physical touchy! (Okay, he's being touchy-touchy too, but mostly physical touchy.) I can't get him to keep his paws off, then he gets all whiny when I complain about him!</p><p>The others are worse, not only are they just plain idiots, they complain so much! I'm the one with the problems here, but they just whine whenever they can't do exactly what they want. They even steal my clothes!</p><p>I'm not sure how much longer I can stand being around here.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>*January 23rd*</em>
</p><p>Ugh, I hate it when I get moody. I sound like a self-absorbed loser. If that last entry wasn't so dang short that it fit solely on the page with the entry before that, I'd tear it out and burn it.</p><p>That's what I get for writing in pen.</p><p>I think my hormones are broken. Same with my instincts. All of a sudden, I'll get incredibly moody, then I'll come out of it sick and lightheaded. I think it would be better if I had a little one to nurse, but I don't.</p><p>Something resembling morning sickness has also sparked up on top of everything.</p><p>I'm worried that Infinite's going to make himself sick though, he barely sleeps and fawns over me almost obsessively.</p><p>I don't want him to hurt himself. He's kinda my paws and feet right now... I need him.</p><p>My chest really hurts and I especially wish that I had a little pup to feed to relieve this pressure. I'm not sure what to do with my milk, I've never been told what to do if you have milk but no pup.</p><p>Infinite tells me that I'm going to be okay, but I can tell he doesn't even believe it himself.</p><p>Hopefully, I'll have a day soon where I'm feeling well enough to go talk to Lilliya... that, or someone just leaves a baby on our territory.</p><p>I'm hoping for the second one.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**January 27th**</em>
</p><p>Although I haven't been feeling well enough to do anything since this whole mess started, Infinite went to Lilliya for me. Turns out, a vixen in her gang had just recently given birth to a pup but died in the process. No other vixens in the gang were nursing, so the pup had no food.</p><p>Her and Infinite are going to her territory to try and convince her master, Infinite's long-term rival, to let me nurse the baby. They're bringing me along so that Infy's rival (I forget his name) will realize that they're not bluffing to score a child.</p><p>I hope we can convince him, I probably have made way more milk in the past several days than my body can hold, I need to nurse a little one.</p><p>The only caveat is that I have to wear my Vixens' Ceremony outfit to the meeting, since this is a matter involving vixens.</p><p>I've been working on putting it on, but I'm holding off until we're ready to leave to put the top on. My chest has swollen with my milk, and I already know that it will be uncomfortable, possibly to the point of pain.</p><p>If all goes well, I'll be nursing a little one and this problem will resolve.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**January 28th**</em>
</p><p>We convinced our rival to let me nurse the baby!</p><p>It's a little boy... he's so precious...</p><p>It still feels really weird when he nurses, I gasp every time and then settle down pretty quickly after that. He's a peachish-gold color with tan hair and muzzle fur. His paws are ashy like mine, so I assume that someone may think that I had a pup with someone other than Infinite... probably Cor.</p><p>He looks a lot like Cor.</p><p>His home clan won't be naming him because his mother died, but I wanted to give him a name (even though Infinite didn't originally want to.)</p><p>I've named him Gabriel, and he's such a blessing. I'm feeling so much better after feeding him just a few times. He's so hungry... but I have plenty of milk to give him. I have to hold him almost constantly because he can't move by himself.</p><p>Infinite seems to be developing a bond to the little one, but for some reason, my instincts keep chasing him off. Maybe they sense that he's in such need of me that no one else can have contact.</p><p>I want Infinite to develop a bond with the baby though, after all, Genesis was his pup... and he's still my boyfriend.</p><p>Every so often, he'll poke his head into the room to check on me, or bring me something to eat.</p><p>The last time, I had just finished nursing, so my instincts were calmed enough that Infinite was able to stay for a while.</p><p>He stroked my face and kissed my lips while pulling my sleeve back onto my shoulder. He then greeted Gabriel and told him who he was. He then whispered to me, reminding me that we weren't keeping him.</p><p>My instincts suddenly surged and I began snarling, clutching Gabriel to my chest, feeling him grip onto my shirt.</p><p>Infinite scolded me. I'm not sure why, can't he tell that these are my instincts? My biological purpose?</p><p>Doesn't he feel them too?</p><p>Regardless, I'm going to do whatever I can to take care of Gabriel, I just hope he will too.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**February 5th**</em>
</p><p>All of a sudden, Infinite's instincts fired up. Hunter had come along this morning while I was cradling Gabriel on the couch. Infinite seemed to be a little more interested in the baby, but his ears pricked once he heard Hunter approach.</p><p>He instantly asked if Hunter needed something, but he said no, then brushed my muzzle with his paw.</p><p>Infinite snarled at him, Hunter tried to reason that he was just greeting me. Both of us knew that he was trying to flirt even though I'm in love with Infinite, but Infinite's instincts chased Hunter out of the room, barking.</p><p>The noise caused Gabriel to cry, and I began to rock him with almost instant stress.</p><p>Infinite's ears perked back to us and he smiled. He walked over to the couch, then asked me if he could hold him.</p><p>Although Gabriel was still crying, I handed him over to Infinite... not expecting what he'd do next.</p><p>He started almost cooing to him, rocking him gently while holding him close to his chest. Gabriel opened his eyes for a little, then stopped crying and grabbed onto the fur of Infinite's muzzle.</p><p>It was... adorable...</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**February 21st**</em>
</p><p>According to Lilliya, Gabriel turned a month old today! He's grown so much since we took him in, and I feel so much better than I did a month ago which, according to these entries, was when I wrote that entry when I was being moody.</p><p>Perspective, Primrose, you were having a bad day, but a vixen <em>died</em> in labor. That was really nothing to complain about compared.</p><p>Gabriel will stare at me if he hears my voice now, same with Infinite's. Maybe he recognizes us as his parents.</p><p>I know I'm not his mother, but I'm the one raising him, right?</p><p>I'm not sure how long I will be nursing for, but I hope it doesn't end anytime soon. I... don't want to give him up. I want to hold him forever, to raise him as the future of this squad... no other.</p><p>Lilliya came by to visit, along with her master.</p><p>Now that I've been spending a ton of time with Gabriel, I can't help but wonder... Why do he and our rival look so much like Cor? Maybe I'll ask Cor... or Infinite.</p><p>Lilliya said that I looked like I felt so much better than I did at the beginning, I nodded. Infinite kept his eyes glued on his rival, only glancing for moments at me and Gabriel.</p><p>Neither of them liked the other being around, it seemed, and Infinite seemed especially angry when his rival took a few steps towards me and Gabriel.</p><p>Then, my loving master snarled in a way that I hadn't heard before, growling "Don't you <strong>dare</strong>, Axel."</p><p>Oh, right. Axel. Our rival's name is Axel.</p><p>Axel, Axel, Axel. (Remember that!)</p><p>Axel erupted in both offense and anger. "That's not <em>your</em> child, mutt." He snarled with a cruel voice. Then, he jabbed at Infinite's fathering abilities, saying that he was useless to the creation of new Bloodpoolieans, as in an entire decade, Infinite had only produced a dead, deformed pup while he had fathered more live pups than our entire squad had in members.</p><p>Then, he recoiled in false remorse and proclaimed that blame on me, that in that same decade, I failed to conceive or birth anything but the same dead, deformed pup.</p><p>...Gennie wasn't deformed... she just died very early in my pregnancy and we pretended it was a stillbirth to keep me safe.</p><p>Infinite was furious, I was deeply hurt. Infinite screamed out that, even though he was lacking in offspring, at least he didn't sell his own <em>brother</em> or treat his vixens so badly that he <em>had</em> to replace them every year because they kept dying in labor.</p><p>I looked at Lilliya, then gestured to Infinite with an almost-crying baby boy in my arms. She frowned and nodded. Axel was so concerned with producing pups that he was abusing the vixens needed to carry them.</p><p>I knew that Infinite was special beyond all masters, but hearing it in this way shook me. While Infinite had been fawning over my needs and comfort, treating me like a living being, the other masters were using the young women of this race for nothing more than their own pleasures and desires.</p><p>...Wait, does this mean that Cor... is Gabriel's blood uncle?</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**February 23rd**</em>
</p><p>Gabriel is related to Cor.</p><p>I went straight to Cor after Infinite demanded that Axel leave our territory in a rage.</p><p>Cor was just as stunned as I was, that the little pup that fate had placed in my arms... was his nephew.</p><p>After we found that out, Infinite called a meeting of the entire Jackal Squad, Lusk and Cor included.</p><p>He told us that we were not giving Gabriel back.</p><p>No way, no how.</p><p>I was delighted, Cor was a mixture of pleasant surprise and worry, Lusk just had this face that said 'are you sure' and Hunter, Remy and Quickstrike seemed a little displeased.</p><p>Quickstrike asked "I know you're angry, Boss, but are you sure? Axel will come after you if you refuse to return him, he could even hurt or claim Amara. And, if Axel convinces the Vixens' Ceremony officials that you've wronged him, the officials could take Amara from you since she's our only vixen."</p><p>Infinite stopped for a little, but his anger remained. He said that he'd rip Axel from limb to limb if he tried to take me or Gabriel or anyone else.</p><p>Dad nodded but seemed very concerned. He asked Infinite how he was going to accomplish it.</p><p>Infinite said that he knew how masters like Axel worked. They wanted anything they could get their paws on, until it became too much effort. Infinite stated that if we could make getting Gabriel back more hassle than Axel felt it worth, he'd just give up and move right down to the next life he could claim.</p><p>I nodded. They didn't want to put in too much effort, they just wanted to feel like they were the strongest or most effective, so the longer the battles were, the more likely they'd decide that it wasn't worth the effort.</p><p>Infinite walked over to me and Gabriel, I stood up to meet him, still only coming up to his shoulders. He placed his paws underneath mine and pulled our baby to his chest. Gabriel grasped Infinite's collar and looked at me. Infinite told him "Yeah, that's Mama," then kissed his forehead when Gabriel looked back at him "and I'm Daddy."</p><p>The rest of the Squad awww-ed and Lusk nodded at us in approval.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**April 28th**</em>
</p><p>Even though Gabriel's getting bigger every day, I can tell that I'll still be nursing for a long time. He has to eat no more than every three hours, although he starts crying a lot after about two and a half. He's started smiling at people, specifically me and Infinite. He lays on his stomach most of the time now and can hold his head up very well. He's started vocalizing, he'll instantly start cooing once he hears Infinite's voice.</p><p>Infinite likes to have "conversations" with Gabriel, he'll talk in this weird voice and then respond with "yeah?" or "oh, really?" whenever Gabriel coos back. It's so cute, but I kinda have to spy on them to see it because his face gets so red when I catch him doing it.</p><p>Probably a street cred thing.</p><p>His tail's beginning to wag, he does it most around me or Infinite. He seems to know pretty well that we're his parents.</p><p>We've been working on building his relationships with the rest of the Squad. We've mostly been spending time with Lusk and Cor since they're more family than the rest. We've been trying to establish a strong relationship between Cor and Gabriel, since they are biologically related.</p><p>Our baby is doing very well and I hope he keeps doing so. A year ago, we would've had a hard time imagining having a little baby of our own. He's not what we originally imagined for the future of this squad, but he's mine and Infinite's baby, and that's good enough for me.</p><p>I'm excited to keep watching our little prince as he grows.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**July 27th**</em>
</p><p>It's been pretty much a year since I had my miscarriage with Genesis. I still miss her so much, and she'll be in my memory forever.</p><p>However, the pain from losing my daughter is much more manageable with my son. Gabriel's teeth are starting to come in and he's been chewing on a lot of things. His tender mouth makes nursing him a bit more difficult, as he nurses much stronger to work out his mouth, it's a little painful for me. Cor still thinks it will be quite a while until he finishes nursing and moves onto solid foods, but I don't mind... except for when he starts chewing on my arm. I've noticed that Infinite and I clench our jaws a little when he chews, likely sympathy pains from seeing our little one's discomfort.</p><p>Infinite's been bringing him several random little things for him to chew on instead of our arms, Gabriel smiles whenever he sees him. He tends to roll onto his stomach while he's chewing, mainly because he squirms around as he munches.</p><p>Whenever he sees someone he recognizes, he'll laugh.</p><p>Infinite's definitely become very attached to him. I am, however, so much more.</p><p>Today being the anniversary of Genesis' death, I wonder if Gabriel's noticed that I'm a bit sad today, Infinite and the others have noticed.</p><p>Dad came over and hugged me; I think he told the rest of the Squad to be extra patient with me today, as all of them greeted me with a smile. They asked if I was doing alright, I just had to shrug. Then, they asked where the baby was and I told them "With Infinite."</p><p>Maybe it's because of today's context, but I can't help but worry that something terrible's going to happen to my little boy.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**August 1st**</em>
</p><p>Axel... killed Gabriel.</p><p>He killed my baby.</p><p>He had demanded that we give him Gabriel for a day to spend in the pup's 'real' territory and that no one from our territory could be there. Lilliya advised we agree...</p><p>But then, a few hours later, Lilliya ran into our territory, something clutched in her arms.</p><p>She came up to us, sobbing, then placed Gabriel's limp body in my arms, his blood soaking her chest.</p><p>Axel had slit his throat.</p><p>On the verge of voiceless, Lilliya said that she wasn't fast enough to save him, and that she regretted ever letting us send him over.</p><p>At that first sight of his body and my arms, and even the memory of it now summons a primal shriek of agony and forces my joints to lay tight but unusable. Every time my basic urges cry out in anguish, Infinite is there in moments.</p><p>He raced over, followed by Lusk crying out to me, asking me what was wrong.</p><p>My trembling body showed him Gabriel's limp figure, he instantly screamed out in horror and pain, then focused on Lilliya, pouncing towards her.</p><p>I heard her cry out, begging for him to stop, to hear her out. He stopped and listened to the blood-soaked vixen's tale. Once he heard the name of his rival, our son's killer, he roared with a fury that I haven't seen from him and Lusk had to hold Infinite down to prevent him from turning to violence.</p><p>I couldn't bear to look at my baby, but my eyes also couldn't stray from him. I love him so much... (or should I say... I loved him?) I held him and kept hoping that this was just a nightmare. After we took Gabriel's body to bury him, I realized that this was my new reality.</p><p>I am once again childless, still with milk to give. I was supposed to be feeding him in a few hours... and I can feel that I've missed a feeding... because there's no longer a pup to feed.</p><p>Infinite's going to get panicky if he feels like I'm shutting myself in again, so I'm going to go out for a bite and collapse in his arms.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**September 29th**</em>
</p><p>Not long after Gabriel was killed, I became super sick again. Infinite wouldn't leave me and I was very grateful. When I became sick, Infinite got Lilliya for assistance, asking if there was anything he could do.</p><p>She told him that the only thing she knew was for me to nurse. Infinite became desperate.</p><p>He wouldn't leave my side for the entirety that I was sick, after Lusk figured out that Infinite wasn't leaving my side, he brought both of us food.</p><p>I originally thought that I would get annoyed with Infinite but I found myself clinging to his presence. His scent was warm and calming to me, however, I smelt traces of blood and felt blood clumped in his fur. Other than that, I don't remember anything.</p><p>I found out (after I got better) that he had gone after Axel and attacked him in revenge for both Gabriel and me. He won, but I was still upset. Especially once I learned that he had gorged one of Axel's eyes out in the fight.</p><p>Violence doesn't fix violence, but that logic seems to be absent here in this Bloodpooliean reality. I believe that it is something we learned from G.U.N, Infinite especially.</p><p>G.U.N. killed his father. He was too young to understand what had happened... he was barely two.</p><p>I think that left an imprint on him that he doesn't even know is there; every time someone he loves is hurt or threatened, he gets so angry... I don't think he can think of anything but how he's been wronged.</p><p>I was still too weakened by my illness to actually make him remorseful for his actions, but he apologized for getting me worked up.</p><p>I still need to recover a great ton from both my illness and losing both my babies. I can't get worked up, otherwise it'll drain my strength and I'll have to go back to bed until I get stronger.</p><p>At least, somehow, I'm no longer making milk. Maybe my instincts finally figured out that I don't have a pup.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**May 16th**</em>
</p><p>I'm getting married!</p><p>Infinite proposed last night, I never saw it coming. His proposal speech was one of the sweetest things I've heard in my entire life, and feeling him slide this bejeweled ring onto my scarred paw was so unbelievably breathtaking.</p><p>It's been so long since I've written anything down in this diary, but nothing extreme has happened in the past two years since Genesis and Gabriel's deaths. It's just been the same old thing, wake up, go to work, do somebody's dirty work, come home and get a bite to eat or a drink.</p><p>Hunter didn't seem too entirely pleased with the engagement, but that's Hunter for you. The others seem pleasantly surprised, and my dad... I think he was in on it. As soon as we got home and settled in, getting ready to go to sleep, he interrupted our kiss and asked 'What did she say?'</p><p>Once I replied that I said 'yes,' he pulled us into a hug. He seems to act like me and Infinite are already married.</p><p>We don't know exactly how we're going to have our wedding, especially with us being what is collectively called Pure-Thugs, but I don't mind.</p><p>Besides, a priest is all we really need.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**November 21st**</em>
</p><p>After being engaged for around a year and a half, Infinite was finally able to find a priest and location for our wedding. We're getting married on April 11th.</p><p>The entire Squad is relieved that we've finalized the wedding, as the process (and the ensuing stress on Infinite,) has taken a toll on us all. The cool winds are returning to Bloodpool, and we are going into overtime for the final hunts and harvests until next spring to ensure we all have plenty of food. Me and Infinite have only recently begun trying to have pups again, but I feel that our love has returned to its rightful place in mating, finally regaining its place from the duty we used to feel.</p><p>My heat has just ended, and we're on a loose hope that a pup will come along shortly, but I don't feel the stress that I did before. Maybe it's because I know that I can carry pups, even if I don't have one alive right now. I may not have given birth yet, but I've both conceived and nursed pups and that's good enough for me right now.</p><p>Turns out, there's a group of Mobians who focus on helping Bloodpool even though G.U.N. and the majority of Mobius does not. They call themselves the Bloodpool Allied, and several of them are the children from the Bloodpool Allied members that took care of Infinite and his mother when his father was killed. That old group also took care of us when Infinite had been shot by a G.U.N. soldier as well as being who told Clawzie and Reznor that we were worth checking out back when we were pups. The new, recently reformed group were the ones who helped us find everything we needed for our wedding. The old BA was shut down after G.U.N. apparently noticed that it existed. That's part of the reason that Clawzie split the scene really fast, the other part being that she was expecting a pup of her own around that time and needed to disappear with enough time that she could raise her pup without being attached to the group (as I learned recently.)</p><p>That pup, had it been born, should be around seventeen now. I wonder what he or she looks like? I wonder what their name is, or whether they were raised to love, hate or fear us?</p><p>When Infinite learned the connection, he seemed a little down. Does this group of Mobians just remind him of everything that's gone wrong? He had quite a bit of a reaction when the Bloodpool Allied recognized Infinite from their records when his father was killed.</p><p>Maybe he's trying to leave that buried in his past.</p><p>Regardless, I love him the same and I eagerly await April 11th with him.</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**March 15th**</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>7:18 a.m.</strong>
</p><p>This is a bad idea. I knew it from the moment I first laid eyes on who is now our client.</p><p>I just wish Infinite would see it. Hunter and Remy see it for crying out loud!</p><p>I know I'm right, but I can't help but feel guilty. It's less than a month until our wedding and we just had an awful fight. I want to apologize, but I want Infinite to come to his senses.</p><p>Working with someone outside the border seemed glorious for a time, but I've quickly realized that this is dangerous. I tried to convince him to back off, that we could do other jobs for the money. He just held my paws and pleaded with me, only half listening.</p><p>He just wants out of the Canyon. I can see it in his eyes. It's not about the job or the money for him, at least I don't think so, it's just about going across the border. All I could do was kiss him and walk away.</p><p>If I had any suspicion that I am pregnant, I would be playing that card, because it's the only one that will make him slow down and listen. However, I'm not going to play that card, because I am almost certain that I'm not. I also don't think I could milk a suspicion long enough for him to cancel the job to 'take care' of me. Hunter told me to play the whimper card earlier, one where I lay on the floor, my bed or the couch and whimper, flicking my tail sporadically and sprawling out as if I was ill.</p><p>I totally fooled Cor.</p><p>However, Infinite didn't do much more than bat an eye at me. He stopped, bent down and kissed me before rubbing my arm and telling me that it was going to be okay before walking off.</p><p>I blame Cor. He got so fooled that he began to examine me before realizing that I was faking and nearly made a scene. I think Infinite noticed Cor and therefore wasn't caught under my spell.</p><p>I wish that I'm showing possible signs of pregnancy, he's not going to listen to anything else.</p><p>Anyways, if this job makes me seem like I'm overreacting, I'll apologize.</p><p>I mean, Infinite said we're quitting after today...</p><p>
  <em>~~~~</em>
</p><p>
  <em>**March 16th**</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>~Written by Infinite~</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amara's gone.</em>
</p><p>She and the rest of the Squad were murdered by the G.U.N. agent Shadow yesterday morning. According to the records that seem to be all over both Bloodpooliean and Mobian news, she officially passed away at 9:32 a.m.</p><p>I'm... alone.</p><p>Everyone that I've loved and lost were because of G.U.N, why did I let this happen?</p><p>She tried telling me time and time again, but I wouldn't listen... and just two hours later she was dead.</p><p>Our last moment together was a fight.</p><p>Our last words together weren't "I love you" or "Goodbye," mine were "I'll be back" and hers were just...</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Okay."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>I woke up this morning with the sense of being unaware that comes with sleep, one that I cried myself to, only to find and remember that she's no longer here.</p><p>She'll never be here again.</p><p>I can't smell her scent, talk to her dad or even look at anything that either depicted her or was her's.</p><p>I feel so frightened... I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with Amara, but I realize now, she spent the rest of her life with me.</p><p>I just want to talk to her about how I feel but she's no longer here.</p><p>This pain... it's worse than when we lost Genesis and Gabriel combined.</p><p>I never got to apologize for how stupid I was being. I never told her how much I truly love (or would it be "loved") her.</p><p>If I hadn't been so dumb, she would still be alive, I'd be apologizing my head off to her and the rest of the Squad, begging for her far-and-few forgiveness.</p><p>I'm going to go get some flowers and things from the Black Market and head back to Aqua Road... to give her the burial that she deserves.</p><p> </p>
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